Let me first say that dating in other countries has been very very interesting. It’s part social experiment and part me wanting to connect to people in the places I’ve been. Ok and maybe also part fantasy as well because I’m American and I’m a sucker for foreign men with accents. There is nothing quite like getting a tour around the city from someone local. Plus, they know all the great food places that aren’t bombarded by a million and a half tourists.
Note: I traditionally use tinder for, well, sex. I don’t use tinder to find love and relationships although, sometimes they happen and I’m delightfully surprised by them. Back at home, I don’t use Tinder at all. It gets deleted and I use other dating apps that more closely align with my particular interests.
Anyway, so I’ve had success in France and Italy when it came to swiping Tinder. However, Spain is a different beast entirely. But Tinder is virtually the same no matter what country I’m in.
Here’s Why (here comes a rant about Tinder users that can be both enjoyable by those who avidly use Tinder and for those who do not)…
I don’t have a problem with getting matches. I match with virtually every single man I swipe right on. It’s very suspicious but whatever. I think to myself, maybe my honesty in my profile and thirst trap photos really make the boys go wild. Or, they are all just super swipers (men who swipe right on everyone and then unmatch later if they don’t find you attractive) or fake profiles designed to make you feel like you’re having some success on the app but really you’re never gonna meet any of them. But, lets hope for the best here. For the sake of argument lets just assume I’m hot and they want me. Cool!
I stopped swiping women, I rarely match with any of them. If I do, they are almost always unicorn hunters in disguise as a single bisexual female. Mind you, I don’t mind a couple hitting me up, but I don’t like being tricked into talking to a couple from a single person’s profile – male or female. It’s a hard pass immediately. I hear constantly from men how difficult Tinder can be to meet women because they never match with them either so it’s not even included in my sexy time search anymore.
Then there are the “follow my instagram” folks just looking to use the dating platform to gain more followers. Lame. Boring. Next. I will follow to see more photos and unfollow several days later if we don’t converse or meet any further. I enjoy swapping instagrams but not when it’s for the sole purpose of growing followers. I really could give two shits about you and your life if you couldn’t be bothered to meet me for at least a cup of coffee in the real world.
There are also the matches and super likers you NEVER hear from. Whether you or they don’t initiate contact, they just stay in your likes column never to be seen or heard from again. It’s a very loooooong list of attractive people whom are nothing more then eye candy that you have to click on to clear the notification for it to go away.
The fake profiles & catfishes. These people aren’t real, are scammers, disguised sex workers or are not accurately representing themselves (using old photos, lying about their age, etc). I’m not even going to get into the nuances here but it’s probably why a lot of people have become wary of Tinder and sites like it. People are trying to scam you, even when it comes to dating and sex – gimme money, gimme gifts, buy my affection. Get the fuck out of here with that shit. Sex work is also fine, but keep it within the confines of apps where people know what they are signing up for. Using old photos of yourself and tricking someone into liking you is just as vile and disgusting. STOP DOING IT!
Finally, you get someone who says hello…..but that’s it. Just hello. JUST HELLO!!!!! You can ask these folks a follow up question, but they are neeeeeeeeeever gonna answer it. You only get a hello and they are never to be heard from again. Their messages get pushed down in the inbox and maybe one lonely night you’ll open it back up and remember what a twat they were for even saying hello in the first place. They really just belong in the never hear from group and you unmatch them so you don’t have to see their stupid hello taunting you in your inbox anymore.
The Brief Chatters. These folks talk with you for a little bit then immediately try to get you out of tinder and either onto their social media or get the digits. For me, I’ve learned to chat a little more with these folks to make sure I want them having more personal information about me but some people prefer this type of go-getter attitude. It’s a mixed bag really.
The Drunk Swipers. Yup, people who only swipe when they are drunk and horny. I’ve been this person waaaaayyyy too many times and have even hooked up with some randoms this way. Highly NOT recommend.
The “Our Relationship Died Before It Started” bunch. These are the folks you only talk to within the app and they never make it out alive. Whether you eliminated them because they came at you hot with sexual advances without even a simple hello (not to be confused with the hello only folks) or you eliminate them based on some other criteria. You are not giving them your number and there will be no date. Unmatch.
The hot to trot then cold as ice. This person is someone you talk to a lot the very first day you match with them and never hear from them again. My theory is that they were likely just out of a breakup, started swiping then took their ex back. It’s not scientific, but possible lol.
I could keep categorizing people but I think you catch my drift…
So you finally find someone who makes it out of the app and into text. From here, all bets are off as I’ve seen just about everything. From getting the number and never using it to meeting and actually getting the date and having sex. It used to be, a few years ago, that once you got the number you got the date.
But things have changed…
Now, we even deal with commitment phobia even when setting up a first date. I can’t tell you how many times conversations have gone well, we’ve exchanged info and interest has been expressed but no date. Just a ton of back and fourth with zero pay off.
The Forever Texters. I call these humans the forever texters because they TEXT FOREVER. They will engage with you every time you reach out and even initiate contact, like your statuses on other forms of social media and give you plenty of positive feedback but you are NEVER going to meet them. They won’t ask you out and when you ask them out you can’t nail them down for a day and time.
Ghosters. We know these people. They suddenly disappear out of nowhere. I like to think they met the person of their dreams and are living happily ever after….even though I secretly wish they are burning in hellfire for standing me up and not having the human decency to tell me they didn’t like me. Too much? Fuck you, you feel it too when this happens.
Again, I could keep labeling folks, but I digress…
What all of this really boils down to is a simple fact – tinder is fucking weird. It’s creating weird dating and communicating habits and ultimately becomes very frustrating for it’s users. It’s not Tinder’s fault necessarily but it’s certainly developing some new dating/hook up habits that maybe didn’t exist when our parents were dating.
The stats – if I match with 50 people, I will maaaaaaaybe talk to 5 of them and maybe 1 will make it outside of the app. This isn’t even me being super picky. This is just based on the above information before I’ve even had a chance to get to know anyone. What we learn from a few lines in a profile, some pictures and a little bit of conversation.
And this is all just to have sex? Quite a lot of work just to bump uglies, am I right?
Tinder is for hookups after all and yet we are still met with games. There are few cases where your tinder match might turn into a long term relationship but that IS the exception not the rule my darling.
I’ve been fortunate to find love on Tinder, but I have no disillusions about THAT being the standard.
It leaves me wondering….if Tinder is for hookups and we believe that most people are just looking for sex, why then, is it still so hard to make that connection? If we are indeed just looking for sex, mutual attraction has been confirmed by the swiping and people are still not having sex….then…
Its gotta be more than just the hunt for sex! Or have we become so wary of people online that we also think we are being tricked? Or are our attention spans really so short that we are constantly looking for something shiny and new even before we’ve had a chance to let the other object dull? Or something else?
But I always come back to this. Tinder is supposed to be for hookups. If it was just carnal hookups, I feel the success rate of finding, matching and fucking would be much higher. Instead we eliminate people, exclude them based on factors outside of how pretty their face and body are.
Even in our search for something carnal, we still want some type of human connection. That’s the only thing that makes sense to me. Otherwise, why go through this whole song and dance just to fuck another human being. I think we are all secretly looking for something more or maybe it’s just me.