Howdy! No I’m not country but I almost always say howdy when someone says hello online. I don’t really know where it started probably growing up listening to a lot of country music with my Momma. Anyhow, howdy!

My name is Nicole. It’s hard to say who I am exactly as I’m still evolving into fully realizing who I am. But here goes….

I’m an independent, work from home entrepreneurial type (a fancy word for “I work from home in my pajamas all day and avoid the outside world”). I build websites, landing pages, put together marketing campaigns and other odds and ends. I learned a lot of what I know on the job and mentored under some great teachers including my ex-boyfriend and still best friend. I’ve worked for a lot of different companies and people and I’m currently 100% employed in this field.

I’m an alcoholic in recovery still trying to figure out what the fuck that even means while avoiding substances that alter my brain, allow me to hide from my past and stall me from realizing my future. I was a binge drinker and frequent cocaine user to keep the party going – until it was just a party of one (sooooooo pathetic). I did a very good job at hiding it most days but anyone close to me knew I had a problem…just had to realize it myself.

I identify as tomboy femme (a term a former partner and still close friend of mine shared with me) and on the gender spectrum I’m somewhere between male and female mentally but physically, to the outside world, I am all woman with a short haircut who sometimes dresses like a boy. I don’t bother arguing about pronouns because how you label me doesn’t matter to me. If you think I look like a woman and call me she/her it’s all good baby. I’m not gonna sweat it or yell at you for calling me dude or man either. I’m from California, it’s part of our vernacular and doesn’t offend me although I’m very aware that others are fighting for being identified by the pronouns of their choice and I try to respect those pronouns (although I’m prone to fucking up and am very apologetic about it).

Sexually I identify as a pansexual, sex positive, ambi-amorous and a primarily submissive femme. Yes I have lots of sex stories with men and women and combinations of both. No I’m probably not going to share many of them on this blog, so we can get past that. I don’t take kindly to slut shaming or hate speech so if my sexuality and lifestyle bothers you, you can click that little X in the upper corner to close this blog now.

I’m an artist of sorts. I’ve dabbled in music, art, acting and writing. I’ve always had something inside of me that has been draw to the arts and have always at least written to express myself if nothing else. It’s important to me and I typically surround myself with other artistic types although I find some artistic types perplexing or psychotic in nature, but I’m empathetic to the passions burning inside them to get out.

I am human. I’m sure there are a million other labels I could plaster onto this post about me but they wouldn’t do any good. You can learn about me from reading my writing and talking to me. I bleed red just like everyone else and I struggle with insecurities, doubt and anxiety just like everyone else. I had good days and bad days.

My goal in creating a blog of this nature is really just to help people. Sometimes you just need to know that you are not alone. We live in a culture where all we see are the positive shit that people post and it seems like everyone is having a better time then we are, are further along in their journey then we are, etc, etc, etc. But deep down we are all struggling with something and I’m here to show you mine in hopes that you find clarity in yours.