I Grew a Chia Pet – Diary of a Plant Killer

Ok so hear me out. I realize I’m a 34 year old and something like this probably shouldn’t excite me as much as it does. But ya’ll, I’m super excited about this.

Here’s why…

I’ve killed every plant or flower I’ve ever owned. I’ve even killed succulents and cacti. I’m for real the worst plant parent. So why do I keep buying them?

Actually I don’t! People usually give them to me as gifts and I tell them, I’m really really sorry for what is about to happen to this plant. It’s going to suffer a very slow death. And it usually does. Then all I have left is the empty pot. They are stacked up in the windowsill to remind me of my shame.

So I got this Chia Pet like months and month ago and never did the darn thing. That was until recently when I was worried to death by a situation happening in my life and I needed to keep my mind and hands busy.

So I busted out the Chewbacca Chia Pet I got at Target. I followed the instructions – yes I know, shocking! Then I waited. I watered and waited. Nothing was happening. I almost gave up until….one day….it sprouted. Now it’s growing out of control!!!!

I’m so damn proud. They tell you in early sobriety to get a plant. If you can keep it alive then get a pet. If you can keep the pet alive then you might be ready for a relationship.

I did things ass backward as usual, but hey, look at my plant fucking growing like a damn weed!!! I’m a proud plant parents.