I’m going to let you in on a little secret that you might not even know about yourself – You are worthy and need to be reminded. Many of us have an internal struggle going on that has to do with feeling worthy. You might not even recognize that you’re constantly talking yourself out of the things you want out of this life. It’s time to come to terms with this part of yourself and work toward a place of worthiness where you can start saying yes to yourself. I share some of the struggles I face on a daily basis and what I’ve done to boost my self esteem and go after the things I’m worthy of.
My Challenge to You
For the next week, I’d like you to wake up every morning, listen to the Self Love Meditation and talk to yourself in the mirror. Look at yourself in the mirror and talk to yourself. Say some positive and uplifting things. This may be incredibly uncomfortable at first or even feel a little silly. Trust me, after a couple of days, it won’t feel that way anymore. Let yourself know how much you care and love who you are right now in this very moment and that you are proud of the person you are becoming. Leave the negativity outside. This time of day is for you to give yourself all the kudos you need to make the day great.
If you have a bad day, I’d like you to repeat the exercise when you are back home. Remind yourself of how you are loved and worthy and awesome.
Self Love Meditation
I mentioned this meditation on my podcast and I listen to it quite often – especially when I’m being particularly hard on myself. I recommend listening to this a couple days per week, if not every single day to help with working on how you talk to yourself and show yourself some love.
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Hi, I’m Nicole. Everyone kept telling me that my unique life experiences and messages of hope would make a great podcast. So I made one. Join me as I journey through life’s many obstacles on girl versus world.
Hello, everybody. Welcome back to Girl vs world. This is our fourth episode. And it’s super exciting. Because at the time of recording this episode, I’m kind of figuring out when I’m going to launch my first episode. So I’m still making episodes under the premise that I don’t know if people are going to listen to them or find them useful. Or, you know, I’m testing out things. If you’re watching on YouTube, I have rearranged the way that my desk is sitting. So this week, I was like, I need better sound proofing because if you know anything about podcasting, a lot of times you can get feedback or things echo or you don’t get the best sound quality, so you’re kind of like always testing things out. And so I put together some soundproofing. Where my microphone is, and instead of deciding to shoot in my closet where a lot of people do because you can get better sound quality.
I’m I’m in my apartment, and I’ve put up some soundproofing, I changed my backdrop because I was like, putting up this backdrop and then I tried to do it without a backdrop. And it was really busy behind me where my desk is like you can see into my bathroom, and you can see my vanity and it’s it’s all kind of like I don’t know, didn’t look good. So I’m trying a new a new area, a new soundproofing and things like that, and then deciding when I’m going to launch. It’s been an interesting exploration of self in this process, because I don’t know if you’ve ever tried anything new in your life, there can be a lot of fear that’s attached to it.
Specifically, if it is surrounding something that you know, something you haven’t done. For me, I I’ve been on people’s podcasts. I’ve been a guest on podcast, but I’ve never put one together myself. I’ve also been the production assistant on podcast where other people are doing the podcast and I am editing, adding their sound clips, uploading and making sure everything set. So I’ve had my hands in a lot of podcasting. But this is the first time that I’m actually doing it myself and creating all the content and deciding what to talk about. And being the face. It’s It’s interesting. And there’s fear attached to it. Right? Like, what if nobody listens? Like, I think that’s one of the fears that I faced the most in a lot of aspects of my life is that like, what if nobody cares? What if nobody gives a hoot about what I have to say? Or, you know, what if I’m doing this for nothing.
And so my episode today,I wanted to just kind of talk through those types of things. I think a lot of times when starting something new or doing something for ourselves, we’ve got it in our heads that some some of us some of us don’t struggle with this, but some of us do. And by some of us, I mean me specifically, where there’s a lot of fear attached with putting myself out there. And believing that I have something to say or I have knowledge to impart or something to teach. I’ve spent a bulk of my adult life helping people who do have something to say, and who do have courses and knowledge to impart. I’ve helped them get that knowledge out to the masses.
And I’ve been really proud of that, as a marketer, that is something that is part of my day job. Um, and, and so like I have, I’m confident in doing that because I’ve been doing it for the last decade or so. But I’ve never actually done any of it for myself. And that’s where things start to get weird for me like, I have no problem putting in 110% for somebody else. But when it comes to doing things for myself, that’s where I struggle. And this comes from a place of as a teenager, and as a young adult, going into my 20s a lot of my life and the people that surrounded me, made me feel like I wasn’t worthy of having my dreams and having the things that I wanted.
Primarily, I was in a relationship that was very verbally abusive on a regular basis, where I was told pretty much every day that I wouldn’t amount to anything that I was no good that I was a bad girlfriend, a bad wife, a bad a bad female, you know, made to feel like garbage, until I was 25. So I was in that relationship from 15 years old to 25, with no kind of have positive support in my life. So what has happened is that, when I think about things and doing things for myself, it’s created this sense of like, not feeling worthy of doing things for myself, like, I’m always trying to prove things to other people. And maybe you can relate to this to where you find it a lot easier to be in service to other people and help other people and provide solutions for other people.
But when you turn that back around, and you look at yourself, you’re like, I can’t do this, even even if you do it on a regular basis for other people, once you turn it inward and look at yourself, you struggle to be able to do it. Because you either you know, don’t think you’re worthy of it, or you feel like it’s selfish. That’s, that’s a big hurdle for a lot of people is like, if I start doing things for myself, then I’m a selfish person. And we’re taught not to be selfish, we’re taught to be given and we’re giving and we’re taught to, you know, help other people. But there is the thing called an ego. And we’re supposed to keep that in check. And so, you know, we try not to do a bunch of things and be selfish, because that’s frowned upon.
But there there is this idea, and a lot of people talk about this now is this idea of self care. Which, for people who feel like they’re being selfish, or feel like they don’t deserve things, is a thing that you struggle greatly with. It’s only in the last couple of years that I’ve really been able to look at this idea of self care as something that I would actually be capable of doing. So a little history for my backstory, and why I don’t feel why I struggle so greatly with doing things for myself. Things like self care, or going after dreams, or launching this podcast, for example. I’ve had this idea for a long time, and I’m just now getting to it. But it’s because of this core belief that I have in myself that was created at a young age, and then just continued to build on that idea that I wasn’t worthy of going after what I wanted to that I had something to prove that I was always in debt to people. If they helped me, I had to do like two more things to help them.
I have a weird relationship with money because of that to where like, if I didn’t earn the money, I feel really weird when people like, give me money or offered to loan me money or buy me expensive gifts. Like I have a really hard time accepting that stuff. Because then I’m like, okay, so you bought me these really expensive headphones. Now I need to buy you something equally or more expensive. Like that’s how my brain works. I can’t just accept a gift and be happy. Same thing with like, being in relationships, if I’m with a partner, and they’re being like, super, super nice to me, like, it’s like my brain just breaks like I can’t understand it and I’ve got to repay it immediately. It creates a sense of urgency inside of me that I have to do something I can’t just Except it.
So the idea of just doing something for myself is such a foreign concept to me, because I’ve gotten so used to being reactive, instead of proactive. And that’s a huge thing. Like, you might hear that in your line of work where it’s like, well, we want our customer service to be proactive, instead of reactive, you don’t want to take action, once someone has come at you, right, you want to be able to figure out what that problem is for the customer and solve it without them having to come to you. And that’s the way my brain my brain is like, very reactive, to things around me, whether it’s friends or family or loved ones, or relationships or business partnerships, I’ve become very reactive. That’s, that’s kind of like how I’ve, I’ve, how my brain works, right?
So being proactive and taking care of myself, and taking care of the things that that I need, and I want has been such a struggle, such a struggle, and maybe you can relate to this to where, for me, I feel good. When I help people, I feel good, when someone else feels good. Like I ride the high, that happens when they feel good. But what happens is, is when that power shifts, and that person doesn’t feel good, and I’m not making myself feel good, now we’ve got two people that don’t feel good, right? And I can’t, I can’t really help them feel good, or I’ll dedicate myself to doing that. And they just don’t feel good.
So I’m putting my worst on whether or not someone else feels good. And that gets me in trouble in relationships, that gets me in trouble in, in work environments, when I set my worth on somebody else, instead of myself. So this idea of self care, my therapist says to me all the time, like you’ve got to practice self care, you have to take care of yourself, you have to re instill this value, and this core belief that you are worthy of these things. So once I figured out it was a problem of of mean, believing in my head, even even on the outside, I’m like, Of course I’m worthy of these things I’m human. But my actions and the things that I do show that deep down inside, I don’t feel worthy, that I’m always constantly trying to appease and prove something.
As an example, I realized recently with my social media presence, that I’m constantly trying to show people that I’m okay. And you’ve probably fallen into this trap, too. And I think a lot of people do on social media is that we’re always trying to show people how good we’re doing. And the second that you start to show any sign of weakness or struggle, people react one of two ways, it seems they’re sympathetic, and they want to help you and they’re worried about you. Or they’re like, Oh, this person complaining about their shit on social media. You know, like, they’re so annoyed that instead of posting 100 pictures of your cat, you’re talking about real life struggles and problems. And it becomes up a thing, right? Like, are you comfortable with putting your stuff out there like that and getting that kind of response? Or do you just continue to post about the good stuff.
And I found myself, always posting about the good stuff, like, look at me, I’m sober For how many days and blah, blah, blah, like trying to prove how good I’m doing. When some days I’m not doing good. I wake up in the morning and I’m like, EFF my life. How did I get here? What am I doing? I’m not doing enough. You know, like, I am my own worst enemy. I am my own worst bully. I don’t need anybody else in my life, to put pressure on me because I put so much pressure on myself that it’s on real. Like I think sometimes if people could hear the inner narrative in my head, they would be surprised at how mean I actually am to myself on a regular basis and I think there’s a lot of people who can relate to that, which is that they’re their own bully, right? That they’re like, if I wake up in the morning, and I don’t feel good, I might post that I do feel good. Even if I don’t write, like social media has that kind of effect.
I’ve noticed that when I post about deeper, darker things, the response to those things is much less. Sometimes people reach out to me and think, you know, oh my god, is she suicidal, or they want to offer sympathy or, you know, then I end up managing, like their reactions and their emotions. And that can be tasking, sometimes it’s time to take a break. What does that mean for you, that means you get to hear a commercial from me. So this is just my quick pitch to let you know that I have a Patreon, if you would like to support the show, we have a couple of tiered levels, feel free to sign up for whatever suits your fancy. And we’ll be offering things like add free episodes, exclusives, I might have some chat sessions in there, maybe some Zoom sessions, I’ve got lots of ideas for stuff and things and ways to make this podcast even better. So head on over to Patreon, there can be a link below the YouTube video, there’s a link on the website, Girlversusworld.com.
At the top in the navigation, there’s also a link in each of the posts for the podcast. So wherever you’d like to find the link, if you want to sign up, go ahead, head on over to our Patreon and, you know, help a girl out. Yeah, so, you know, we’re, I was trying to prove constantly that I’m okay. And I think this comes from being an alcoholic, and being, you know, in programs and being in therapy and like, being honest about those things, but then also wanting to make sure that people know that, like you’re doing good, and that you’re like you’re staying sober. Like that’s a big thing. And being part of any type of sobriety program, whether it’s a or something else.
You’re constantly having to prove that you’re staying sober, and that you’re working the steps, like there’s so much pressure in those communities to like, constantly go to meetings, and constantly, you know, be working with your sponsor and doing step work. And if you’re not doing those things, then you’re being shamed about not doing them. So it becomes really tough. So you’re like, trying to always show this good side, or at least that’s what I’ve done. Where I’m like, Yeah, I have a sponsor. Yeah, I’m going to meetings. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Like, I’m constantly having to, like, prove that I’m sober. And I’m working on myself and that I’m doing the things that everybody thinks you should be doing. And there’s so much incredible pressure in doing that. So like, people, pleasing people, pleasing people pleasing all the time. And if you’re not doing the self care and taking care of yourself, it is exhausting.
I can tell you that I after two years, of, of this type of feeling inside of my body where I feel like I constantly have to tell everybody that I’m okay. I’m tired. I’m tired. I like I’m at a point where like, there’s got to be something else. Like I’m, I’m doing the meetings, I have worked with a sponsor in the past, I go to therapy, and I keep myself busy with extracurricular things, and, and I’m really working every day on feeling worthy, and it’s exhausting. So the thing that I’ve taken away from, you know, looking at how I’m posting on social media and trying to prove that I’m okay to everybody is to sometimes just go ahead and say you’re not okay.
Like, it’s okay to not be okay. I think there’s so much pressure and I find myself doing this too, is like posting all of this motivational shit. And that’s the last thing you want to see when you feel like shit. I don’t think I’ve ever, like scrolled through Instagram and saw something motivational and was like feeling like shit that day and just said, Oh, this quote made me feel better if fucking never does. It never does. Like that’s not that’s totally not a thing. You know, and I think it’s okay to feel that way. But the people pleaser side of us and the side that is trying To be like, so politically correct all the time, and the side that doesn’t want to show vulnerability, doesn’t want to allow that to come through. Because if we start to show those weaknesses, and there’s like, you know, a weakness in our armor that can potentially be exploited or attacked, or, you know, whatever, and this, this, all this pressure, all this pressure just coming at us from from all of these different sources, and you just end up exhausted.
Like, recently, I’ve took an entire weekend just away from everything, like I had to completely unplug, because so much of what was happening in my life was too much for me to handle. I’ve said this before, but I’m an empath. So the people that are around me in my circle and attached to my social media, like, I take in all of their emotions, too. And because I’m not very good at taking care of myself, sometimes, and I’m such a people pleaser, and constantly like doing for other people, I my battery goes to empty. And I’m like, I have nothing left. And people get very concerned about me, because I stop responding to things I unplug from social media, and I’m not my normal posting everyday self. And then I have to answer all of those questions.
So once, once I’ve taken the break and recharged, I have to explain to the people in my life or you know, answer all of these, these DMS and things where people are like, are you okay? Is everything okay? So I’ve created this, like persona of being okay all the time, so that when I’m not people can tell. And, and it becomes this, this difficult thing to deal with on a regular basis. So my therapist is like, you got to start doing self care, and you got to do it on a regular basis, because you deserve it.
So when you need to take a break, take your break. You know, when you need to unplug, just unplug, like, you’re doing so much for other people, and so worried about what other people are thinking and saying that you’re totally neglecting yourself until you’re on completely empty. Like, nothing left to give. And then everybody’s worried. And you have to, like, deal with those fears? And like, try to answer every, like, it’s so much. It’s an I don’t even have that many people in my life that check on me on a regular basis. And I still find it overwhelming. Like, my social anxiety stops me from having a very large social circle, because I cannot deal with that many people, like my mental capacity is like no, no can do it. Because I care too much about what they think and how they’re doing and wanting to make sure everybody’s Okay, I can’t, I know that I have to limit my circle to, you know, a smaller set of close people, because it’s too much for me to handle.
However, as I start to work on this, on this feeling worthy of doing the things that I want to do, of asking for the things that I want and need, and feeling worthy of achieving and having those things, the pressures start to start to melt away. Because what’s happening is that I’m feeling this, this external pressure from social media and my therapists, my relationships, my, my a people like I’m feeling all this pressure from everybody. And I’m not communicating out to them what my needs are, or that I need a break. And so I’m just taking it all in and creating like, this internal struggle that nobody sees, like, most of what happens in my world happens right between the ears right here. Like it’s all in my head. And it’s exhausting.
So as I’ve learned to express the things that I need, like, if I need a break, I express it and I take that break, because I’m worthy of taking that break. And I should take that break. Because at the end of the day, it’s good for me, it’s good for those around me. And I can come back as like this fresh person, right. So, in being able to do these little things, like self care a little bit at a time, I don’t feel as selfish. I still struggle with feeling selfish when somebody needs me and I say, Hey, I just can’t do that right now. Like I am sorry, you’re going through that but i Can’t be that person right now. Like, that’s the hardest thing for me to say when someone is hurting, or they need me and I can’t. Like, that’s where I struggle the most where I’m like, I have to say this because I’ve literally can’t right now, like I’m on empty, saying that and not feeling guilty. Because if I continue to people, please, when I’m at my, my low,
I’m setting myself up for a disaster. And I’m setting myself up for resentments. And I’m setting myself up for, like really being angry at the people that are in my life, the don’t even know how I feel, because I never expressed it, because I didn’t feel worthy of expressing that thing, I didn’t feel worthy of telling them that I couldn’t do this today, you know, because I felt ashamed or guilty or not worthy enough. And it creates such a toxicity in my relationships with people and most importantly, my relationship with myself. Because I’ll then go home and just be so upset at myself for not saying anything. And that, and that gets me to a really deep, dark place where I feel like nobody cares about me, Nobody puts in half the amount of effort that I do, like, these are the things that start to go through my head, when I start to feel resentful towards people and nobody, it feels like nobody’s taking care of me, and I’m taking care of everybody else, right, like these thoughts start occurring, it doesn’t mean that people don’t actually care about me, it doesn’t mean that I don’t have people that are trying, it doesn’t mean any of that.
This is all my internal dialogue that surrounds this, this problem of not feeling worthy enough. You know, I’ve been I’ve been frustrated and mad at partners in the past for stopping me from feeling like they were stopping me from doing what I wanted to do, right? where it’s like, well, I want to be this creative person, and I want to be able to do these things. But you’re not, you’re not encouraging me, and therefore I can’t do it. Like I just give up because I don’t have someone else. happy that I’m going to do these things. On the flip side, I’ve had partners who are so happy and trying to help me do these things. And then I just get in my own way, where I’m like, No, I can’t do that I need to work a nine to five, and I need to save for retirement. And you know, so even if I have the support of another person, this, this feeling of not being worthy enough manifests in either side where I can have all the love and support in the world. But I’ll make excuses as to why I can’t have the things that I want. Because that’s what was engineered into me for so long, right?
So now I have to take care of myself. And every time I have these thoughts of like, you’re not worthy of what you want. I have to go Yes, I am and push through it. Like, that’s what I have to do. When I start bullying myself in my head. I have to go, You know what? Question it. I had a therapist once she said, when you’re talking through stuff in your head, put those thoughts on trial.
Put those thoughts on trial, just as just as if you were in the courtroom and start asking them questions. And if they can back it up, then it is they are guilty. And you need to just push them out of your head. You know, so that’s what I’ve been doing and creating this podcast and creating my blog and pushing myself to do things that make me uncomfortable, and maybe I don’t, you know, part of me still doesn’t feel worthy of like having these successful things. And I start creating these doubts of like, maybe nobody will listen to me, maybe I don’t have anything to say, I don’t have a degree. So why would people care? Or, you know, I don’t have a million followers. So why should I start a podcast? Like all of these things start surrounding me and stopping me from doing what I want to do? So I have to put those thoughts on trial and say, you know, what? Does every podcaster have a PhD? No, they don’t.
You know, does having a million followers. Is that the only thing that’s going to get people to listen to your podcast? No, it’s not. Do most podcasters start off with no audience and end up being a success? Yes. Is it possible? Yes. Do I want to do it? Yes. Even if only one person listened to my podcast and it helped them. Would that be worth it to me? Yes. Okay, well, then you know what? I’m gonna do it. And I and I wake up every day and I decide, today I’m going to do my podcast, I’m going to record it, because I want to help people. And this is what I want to do. And I am worthy of doing this. And that’s it. Like, it’s just as simple as that.
That’s what I’ve done every day in my sobriety. From day one, I’ve woken up, and I’ve said, I’m not going to drink today, I’m going to stay sober, because I’m worth it. Because I spent nearly a decade of my life drinking away bad thoughts and memories, and trying to not be a part of this world. And that wasn’t a way to live. I didn’t want to live that way. I didn’t want to be an alcoholic. I didn’t want to drink myself stupid. Every day. I wanted to be happy. I wanted to go after my dreams, I wanted all these things, but my brain just wouldn’t relent. Where I was like, you’re not worthy. All I could hear in the background was like, you’re not worthy of these things. You don’t deserve these things. You’re not good enough. Who are you, you know, all of this negativity surrounding it. So I’ve been able to just every morning, get up and go, today, I’m going to be sober, because I’m worth it. I encourage you to do the same.
Whatever that is for your life, is to remind yourself that you’re worth it. In whatever situation you find yourself in today. I encourage you to do this every morning. Just try it for a week. If you like it, if it makes you feel good, keep doing it. I always gave myself like, I’ll try stuff for a week. That’s that’s always my like, my thing. I’m like, I’ll try it for a week. I got a week, once a week, right? Like, even with sobriety, I was like, I’ll stay sober for a week, I can do that week seems manageable. And then I do the thing. And if it works, I keep doing it. And with with staying sober, it’s worked with reminding myself that I’m worthy, it’s worked. So I wake up in the morning. And you can either just do this silently in your head, you can do it while you meditate.
If you’re a meditator, do it while you’re working out, or do it like what I found early on is that I had a really hard time talking to myself. And I learned this technique in acting, which is you sit down or stand in front of a mirror and talk to yourself. It is awkward, I will admit it is very awkward to do at first, to talk to yourself, depending on where you’re at with your self esteem where you’re at with looking at yourself in the mirror. It can be uncomfortable at first. So I’ll put that out there as a warning. But look at yourself in the mirror and say you are worthy. I am worthy. And it’s good to do both of those. There’s a meditation that I’ll share in the link in the YouTube video and the link on the blog for the podcast that I was doing for a while where I think it’s like five to 10 minutes. And you repeat things to yourself, at yourself and to yourself. So practice doing that.
Another thing I do sometimes is to go ahead and hug myself like you are worthy. And I have to like remind myself that and make it a physical gesture sometimes where I’m like you are worthy. A hug myself, I’ll place my hands, you know, like over my heart, or hands around my body even. But just to like embrace yourself and say you are worthy. So I challenge you to try that for a week. catch those thoughts in your head when you start to you know, when you’re starting to go after something that you want to do whether it’s, you know, hey, I want to
I want to what’s a good goal? I don’t like weight loss goals because I feel like I just feel like there’s so much stigma about body shaming and weight loss and diet and all of that. Like I’m not even going to touch that stuff on this podcast because I, for me, I struggle with my own body. And I struggle with feeling thin enough or, you know, voluptuous enough or whatever because I’m insecure. But let’s say let’s say that your goal is to read more. That’s that’s one of my goals right? My goal is to read more So, every time you find yourself combating the idea of reading, right? Remind yourself, I’m worthy of what I want, I am worthy of completing this goal.
You’re worthy of it. Even if you don’t go pick up that book and read, you are worthy. keep reminding yourself of that. I think a lot of times, I think, especially as women, that we tend to be sacrificial, right, like, we end up raising children and being very sacrificial, like my mother was very sacrificial for her kids. And so I learned how to be sacrificial for other people too, because that is my example. Like, that is like my mother to a tee, she would like, not buy new shoes to make sure we had new shoes, you know. And so that’s, that’s how my thought processes is like I would do for others before I did for myself. And so it’s not that that’s a bad thing. It’s great that you’re giving. And it’s great that you help people, but you also have to help yourself. Because at the end of the day, you are the only one you got, you know, like you are your best friend, the relationship with yourself is one of the most important ones you’ll ever have. And you never know what’s going to happen in your life. Y
ou know, like, I’ve lost relationships. And I’ve been so devastated because I’ve had no leg to stand on, because I put all my self worth in them, and had nothing left for myself, right. So I challenge you to start building your self worth, start reminding yourself on a daily basis. First thing in the morning, you could even do it before you go to sleep at night. Do it while you’re brushing your teeth. Like whatever makes sense for you. Remind yourself that you’re worth it. That’s that’s been my practice. And that is what has gotten me to this point today is reminding myself, that I’m worthy of having the things that I want, reminding myself that I’m worthy of living on this planet today, I am worthy of breathing, I am worthy of being healthy. I am worthy of love. I’m worthy of happiness. I’m worthy of whatever I want out of this life, I am worthy of that. And it’s powerful to say it to yourself every single day, to be able to change your thought processes, it takes daily work.
There’s no easy fix, it’s not going to just happen overnight, that you’re gonna feel worthy because I’m still struggling with it too. Even in creating this podcast, I have so many doubts and fears and feels, and not knowing, like feeling so afraid of what the future holds. But knowing that deep down inside my heart wants to help people. And I want to do this, you know, nobody’s forcing me to do this. This is something I just want to do. And so I’m doing it. And I remind myself every day that I’m worthy of the things that I want out of this life, and so are you. So I encourage you to take that today and start implementing that in your life like I am worthy of the things I want. I am worthy. Insert whatever that thing is that you need to remind yourself that you’re worthy of because you are thank you so much for listening to our episode. Today.
I am your podcast host and producer Nicole Samra and the music for this show is called 80s pop dreams by sound tricks. If you loved our episode today, please feel free to give us a rating on whatever network you’re tuning in on and we look forward to having you back next week.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai