Here’s an interesting questions to ask yourself: Are you trying to face things head so you can heal or are you out there just emotionally cutting?
Emotional cutting is described as the process of intentionally seeking out things that you know will hurt you and use it as a way to procrastinate actually healing and moving on.
We’ve all heard of people doing this and some of us even do it ourselves. Stirring up unnecessary drama in your life. If you are still not sure if you are emotionally cutting, here are a few examples:
Checking on an ex. The breakup was killer and you still find yourself checking their social media. They have a new boyfriend or girlfriend. You scroll their page and see pictures of them with someone new. You read the comments. You check out their new partner. Every time you do it, it hurts. You could avoid going to their pages, but you insist on doing it anyway. You can’t help it.
Listening to music that triggers you. We all have that one song that takes you back to a time you’d rather forget. And yet, someone us will intentionally turn that song on just to feel like shit. We don’t go into it thinking it will make us feel better, we go into to feel the shitty feelings that song makes us feel.
Trying to mend a broken relationship with someone toxic for the 100th time. Sometimes the answer is to leave the relationship in the past. It was toxic. Nothing has changed and yet, you still go back and try to fix what can never be mended. Some relationships are broken for a reason. Persistence is great and all, but so is walking away and saying enough is enough. But maybe this time things will be different….sigh
Cheating. Plain and simple, there is never a good reason to cheat. You are intentionally stirring up drama. End of story.
Going somewhere or attending event you know is going to cause drama. You know before you even go that there is going to be an issue. There’s an ex-best friend there, an ex boyfriend, a family member you don’t get along with, alcohol or drugs when you quit – whatever the case may be. You know some shit will go down and you go anyway. You don’t go to face anything, you go because you thrive on the chaos and drama of it all.
Watching something you know is going to hurt. This includes sad movies, videos of people who have passed on or aren’t in your life anymore (this happens with exes as well, you watch those videos of when you were together) or a video that provides a warning in advance (i.e. this video contains graphic content), etc. You know going into it that you’re going to feel like shit and yet, you watch it anyway.
….I think that is enough examples, but as you can see, there are a lot of ways to self-harm intentionally.
These things can also be done to heal ones self but it’s all about your personal intent behind doing these things. Therapy, for example, is a way that one can revisit these types of painful things that have happened in a constructive way to try and get over what has happened in the past. To give you tool on how to better cope with such things.
Some people also like to expose themselves to people, ideas and things that make them uncomfortable to nurture growth. To sit with the feelings that they feel so that they can acknowledge them and then move past them.
Other people like to test themselves. Does this thing still bother me? Sometimes we succeed and sometimes we fail in this endeavor.
But the fact remains: Are you doing it to overcome and heal the hurt or are you doing it just to hurt yourself?
I think asking yourself is part of moving into the “healing the hurts” part of this type of situation. If you can identify that you are self-harming or self-hating with emotional cutting, then you can begin to stop the cycle and heal the hurts.
I encourage you today to ask yourself the next time you are about to do something that will cause you pain: Am I trying to heal the hurt or am I just emotional cutting?
Stop the cycle of hurting yourself – it’s okay if you’re not okay, but continuing to hurt yourself is not the solution.