Tonight, well actually more like this afternoon, I took myself out on a date. Not with another person, just myself. I recently announced that I would be dating myself for the next few months while I allow myself the time and space to work on just myself instead of constantly trying to find “the one” and having it not work out.
My goal is to give myself some time to breathe and just be. I get the opportunity to wake up each day and manifest what I want for myself. Right now, I’m manifesting healing and growing more comfortable with the feeling of being alone. I do a lot of self care things in the privacy of my home but it was time to take my self care into public. Show myself that I am capable of being alone in public and feeling okay with the feelings and emotions that come along with that.
What Did I Do for Self Date Night?
So today, I woke up and decided that I would have a date night. Not with someone else, because that would defeat the point, but with myself. I got all dolled up and bought tickets to a midday matinee. It was such a beautiful day out that I decided instead of driving, I would take a nice leisurely walk to the theater. It’s about a 15 – 20 minute walk.
I went out into the world and it was lovely. A few compliments on my outfit and tattoos had me feeling pretty confident by the time I got to the movie theater. I saw In The Heights and it was a beautiful musical celebrating NYC and its very rich heritage in the Broncs. The film was touching to say the least. It had me in stitches and in tears all in one movie.
It delivered a message that really got me thinking about life and what’s important. Often times we get super focused on making money or focused on how we’re not doing the things we wanted to do or being the people we wished we were – that we lose sight of what’s important. The journey. The people. The love. It made me miss my family and wish I was closer to them.
The shitty part about being in LA is that I’m away from everyone. Los Angeles is a lonely place sometimes. Even if you have friends everyone is so busy hustling and trying to make a living so they can stay here that you often rarely see people. I can go an entire year without seeing some of the people I’m closest too and it’s a shitty feeling. The movie reminded me that I need to make more time. I don’t know where I’ll find it, but I know it’s important to make the time.
Then I did a little retail therapy. I had a coupon for a store nearby and I used it. I love the thrill of saving as much money on a purchase. The coupon was $15 off of $40 plus there were additional promos and this made my thrifty little heart happy.
I walked home and through my front door by 7pm. I did it! I had a successful date night with myself and was in pjs and in bed before 8pm. I didn’t have to stay out later than I wanted. I didn’t have to make up an excuse to go home. I just got to enjoy myself, enjoy my own company and then go home.
It Wasn’t All Rainbows and Butterflies
I’ll admit I had some anxiety going into this and thought about cancelling on myself for part of the day. I started to give myself excuses to not go. I have work. I don’t need to spend the money. This is silly….etc etc etc. But I pushed through those thoughts and stuck to the plan. I pushed through those uncomfortable thoughts, didn’t cancel my movie ticket and got ready and left on time.
I had moments of uncertainty and insecurity. I caught myself staring at my reflection in a shop window and felt insecure. I’ve gained some weight during covid and I could feel one of the buttons on my blouse working a little harder then it used to. I recently had a man tell me I was old, ugly and fat and he wasn’t attracted to me any more which is why he stopped touching me. That’s just one person’s opinion obviously and many men get to this point with a woman they’ve fallen out of love with or feel hurt by – so I’m taking that for what it’s worth – but it’s still got me feeling a little insecure at the moment.
But….I’m not looking to have my self esteem boosted by some other man. I don’t have any men in my life like that and I’m not looking right now either. This is the inner work I need to do myself. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what someone else thinks of me – it’s what I think of myself that matters.
I’m Glad I Did the Self Care
I can’t remember the last time I did something so intentional for myself. As I sit at home now writing this post, I’m at ease. I accomplished my goal today. I took myself on a date and had a wonderful time. This is just one small step toward me loving myself a little more and being kind to myself. Often times I am a big ol bully inside my head and i’ve looked to friends and partners to help offset how mean I am to myself. But that’s not the way it should be. I shouldn’t put that on my friends or loved ones.
So here I am, trying to work on that part of myself. If I put in the work now then I can start to manifest other things in my life. I feel really good about what I did today and I encourage anyone reading this if they are struggling with self love and self care to give it a shot. You might be surprised at how you feel about yourself after. It worked for me!
“I don’t need to be the same as everyone else. I need to love myself before I love anyone else!”