If you don’t know what a God shot is, it’s a term used in recovery:
“A God shot refers to an unexpected favor or a sign. The phrase attributes to a profound happening that cannot be explained, but not quite as remarkable as a miracle. It is something that gives an addict a warm feeling inside that indicates to them another reason to why they should stay sober.” – Serenity Oaks Wellness
So I got a God shot this morning. I was sitting on my bed worrying and getting anxious about speaking at my first AA meeting tonight. I’m trying to write down a few ideas on things to talk about and practice because public speaking freaks me out so much.
My mind is spinning on how I’m going to effectively communicate to a group of strangers who I am and somehow say something useful or profound. I start to get overwhelmed so I grab the remote to my TV. It’s a new TV so I’m staring at the controller and decide instead of pushing the typical Netflix button, I push the Watch Free because I’m like, what the heck does this button do.
Up pops CBSN Los Angeles. Now, I don’t usually watch the news. I have enough going on in my own little life that watching global or even local news causes me even more anxiety. In my two years in recovery, I’ve watched the news maybe a handful of times because I can’t seem to handle it. It’s too heavy and I can’t bare the weight of the burden of information sometimes. So I avoid it.
But I don’t turn it off. I watch as this band is talking about how they can’t believe their song has been nominated for a Grammy. As I’m about to turn it off they mention that they made a music video for this song about this barber, who is in recovery. He gives homeless folks haircuts because he believes that a haircut can change a person’s life and it’s his way of giving back.
Now I’m glued to the television as the story unfolds about this barber and the song. So I turn to my laptop, find the song and watch the music video. I’m in tears by the end. (The video is posted at the bottom of this post. I highly recommend giving it a listen/watch).
The lyrics get me. I think they are relatable to virtually every person but as someone in recovery they hit me even harder. A lot of the time I’ve spent in recovery is trying to make up for the shitty person I was for so many years. I’m constantly trying to do better and be better. I’m always hoping for forgiveness but I understand when someone never wants to speak to me again. I have been a toxic person and I respect their decision to cut me out.
In a world that’s gone crazy
You don’t know what’s true
Most people don’t change
But some people do
Some people quit drinking too much
And some people quit lying
Some people decide to grow up
But it’s never good timing
Most wouldn’t forgive
What I put you through
But I’m here tonight
Hoping some people do
These lyrics feel like what my hear and mind have felt during recovery for the last 2 years.
Sometimes, just sometimes, we can reconcile those relationships with people and show them that people CAN change. Sometimes we can mend what was broken. It’s those opportunities that breathe new life. Recovery has given me back some of the most important people in my life. Most importantly, it’s given me a second chance to not only just live, but live well.
I believe that my higher power, or god, showed me this today. I believe that this is what I am supposed to talk about tonight in the meeting and I will. I will tell this exact story in relation to my recovery and what it has meant for change in my life.
I now have the words I need for tonight’s meeting and I no longer have to worry about what I am going to say. This is a blessing for me and my anxiety and my recovery.
It’s moments like this when I remember that my higher power has my back, that recovery was the best choice I ever made and that people DO sometimes change and giving them a chance to show that. Sometimes I’m proven wrong, but when I’m proven right – that some people CAN change – that’s a beautiful thing.