Warning: feels are coming! 😝

Tonight I watched a movie that contained this quote:

“Do you think I can have one more kiss? I’ll find closure on your lips, and then I’ll go. Maybe also one more breakfast, one more lunch, and one more dinner. I’ll be full and happy and we can part. But in between meals, maybe we can lie in bed one more time. One more prolonged moment where time suspends indefinitely as I rest my head on your chest. My hope is if we add up the “one mores” they will equal a lifetime and I’ll never have to get to the part where I let you go. But that’s not real is it. There are no more one mores. I met you when everything was new and exciting, and the possibilities of the world seem endless. And they still are… for you, for me, but not for us. Somewhere between then and now, here and there, I guess we didn’t just grow apart, we grew up. When something breaks, if the pieces are large enough, you can fix it. Unfortunately sometimes things don’t break, they shatter. But when you let the light in, shattered glass will glitter. And in those moments when the pieces of what we were catch the sun, I’ll remember just how beautiful it was. Just how beautiful it’ll always be. Because it was US. And we were magic. Forever.” – From the movie Someone Great on Netflix

Tears ran down my face uncontrollably because I felt every single word as she said it. It’s so hard to let go of that love but there is such a beauty in the pain of a breakup because it reminds you that you are capable of such a strong emotion. It’s a gift to be able to love someone that way. That I crossed paths with a human who could evoke such strong emotions from me. It really shows you that are you capable of this amazing ability. My broken pieces are currently catching the sun and I’ll choose to remember the beauty in that journey and not hide or be ashamed of it. 

I loved and lost. I still cry myself to sleep sometimes. I still romanticize the good times. I still get reminded of them and the moments we shared. I still wonder if I could’ve done something different. I think and think and think about it all. But at the end of the day, accepting and grieving the loss is key for moving on and taking your heart with you into the next one. Heal that heart before handing it to someone new. Take the time. Feel the pain. Then move on. 

That’s where I’m at. Holding my own heart in my own hands where it is safe and can heal. It sucks and it hearts a lot but there is beauty in the pain and the struggle and I choose not to hide from it but deal with it. Openly and honestly so here it is, words on the page. My struggle. What’s yours?

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