I think men grow up being taught to be the opposite of a women which leads them to sometimes not actually like or respect women very much. 

On the flip side, many women grow up being taught to fear and obey men. Dress modestly or men will attack you (and you might even be blamed for it). Make sure to not go places alone at night or go in groups. Cover your drinks at bars. Add body shaming and virginity/purity culture to the mix and It’s all very predatory. But still somehow find a “good man” to be a “good wife” to and have babies. 

But nobody teaches us how to actually BE in a relationship, we’re just told we should find one. We aren’t taught how to communicate and share emotions (ew gross, who wants to do that). The only examples we have are our parents and maybe grandparents if we’re lucky. 

What We actually have to do is learn how to a). Love ourselves and b). Be in a partnership with someone else. I say love ourselves first because if you were raised by toxic masculinity or shamed about your sexuality/body it takes a major toll on the way you look at yourself and the energy you carry into your relationship. 

Learning to be in a relationship does NOT come naturally and it CAN be learned and cultivated. That’s the part nobody really tells you. We’re just expecting shit to “just work” by finding “the one”. 

Respect (or consideration is a better word) comes through understanding yourself and how you relate to others in this world. You’re gonna have to work at both. 

Thank you for coming to my TedTalk.

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